The Sick Blog of Lies is looking to expand its team as we venture forth into the ever-changing digital world.
Our team has two new positions available. We need one Zero-Gravity Choreographer, and we need one Priest.
We need a dynamic individual who can take our complicated dance routines into orbit.
-Degree in Advanced Aeronautics
-Fluent in English and Russian
-Professional experience as a choreographer
Duties include cooking pasta, emptying ashtrays, cleaning up poop, reading bedtime stories, doing foot-massages, killing bad guys, and choreographing complex dance routines in outer-space.
We’re looking for a pious, humble priest with a genuine concern for the spiritual well-being of our employees.
-Must own a Bible
-Well-versed in the occult and demon-numerology
-Preferably not Catholic
-Experience with Vampires an asset
Duties include performing exorcisms, marriages, witch-tests, witch-burnings, killing bad guys, cooking pasta, documenting the spiritual growth of other employees, forging deals with other-worldly beings, exploring magical phenomena, gleaning insight into hidden aspects of the world and documenting those discoveries for the benefit of the Sick Blog of Lies, answering mysterious questions from mysterious people, performing funerals, over-seeing cardgames, drawing pictures.
For anybody interesting in one of these exciting careers, submit a resume, cover-letter and essay to the address listed below. The cover-letter must explain why you want to join our team, and why we should hire you. The essay must either be about wine, wine-tasting, golf, or Halloween.
Submit to: firstname.lastname@example.org