By The Delerious Advertisement Agency
I regret to inform you that you’ve been mauled to death by a rabid gorilla-bear. Your death was horrifying, violent, and humiliating.
Luckily the paramedics were able to upload your brain-scan into our cloud storage servers. You’re in digital limbo.
Now you’re in queue for biological resurrection, and we’re ready to make a new body for you (“re-spawning,” for you gamer nerds out there LoL). Of course, we’re not legally allowed to resurrect you without your explicit permission. And we’re legally obliged to make some things clear to you.
We’re obliged to explain that our resurrection-bodies are not regular human bodies. They’re genetically enhanced! Which is totally awesome, right?
For example, you’ll be built with a constant craving for hamburgers. Nothing else will satisfy your hunger, except for the juicy burgers produced by our clients. As an advertising agency we try to create demand for our clients’ products. And you have to admit that the resurrection program is a delicious way to save lives!
Secondly, you’ll have a constant craving for cigarettes. Don’t worry though, they won’t cause cancer. In fact, smoking cigarettes will be the only way to avoid cancer! Let me clarify: we’ve designed your new body so it will develop cancer if you don’t smoke our clients’ cigarettes.
Thirdly, you will be required to do twenty hours of community service for our clients every week. Community service means things like working as a cashier at our clients’ retail outlets, or working on a production line at our clients’ factories. It’s a small price to pay for being alive, right?
Aside from those things you’ll have a pretty normal life. Of course, you’ll pass on your genetic enhancements to your kids. It’s called evolution. It’s a good thing!
Now you have to decide: do you want these enhancements or not?
You’re totally allowed to say NO to these upgrades, in which case your file will simply be deleted and you’ll be dead forever.
Do you agree to the terms and conditions of your resurrection?