by Shirley Mangle
So there I was, clumsily piloting a stolen space-helicopter toward Saturn’s moon Titan, when Hell slowly broke loose.
Firstly, I was daydreaming about the exotic landscape of the distant satellite. Using hi-tech equipment to see the landscape through the foggy atmosphere, my dream-self flew over poisonous oceans and sparkling mountains.
“Hello Shirley,” a deep voice said beside me, snapping me out of my reverie. I looked and saw a hulking Gorilla Bear sitting beside me wearing pink panties and a curly blonde wig. I always lose my composure around Gorilla Bears. No human man could ever be as hunky, nor human ravages as satisfying, as their Gorilla Bear counterparts.
“How did you get in here?” I squeaked, shaking the helicopter around in my nervousness.
“We cannot allow you to visit Saturn’s moon,” he said, but he was staring at my chest which was squeezed into my tight, red latex suit. “Nobody may visit.”
I was getting flustered. I almost felt like giving in, giving up on my important expedition for answers. But then I thought about the amazing travel-blog I could make about visiting Titan. I couldn’t give up on that opportunity.
“Fuck you, Gorilla Bear!” I yelled. “I’m going to visit Titan, whether you like it or not! What are you trying to hide?”
“I’ll show you,” my sexy visitor said. He reached into his panties and pulled out an old-style timepiece. He opened it. The hands ticked between jagged, alien numbers, making a sludgy sound with each tick.
I gasped. “An alien clock!”
“Time for alien hypnosis!” he said as I stared at the ticking hands, the clock swinging back and forth on its golden chain.
Suddenly I saw my own face in my peripheral vision. My peripheral face was mouthing words I couldn’t hear. I tried to read her lips (so luscious and inviting), but she stayed at the edge of my vision.
I felt my brain falling through a colourful space, turning to liquid, radiating and absorbing feelings and ideas as I achieved a two-way information link with the universe. I saw my arm float away and I tried to move it, but I could not. My body, my amazing body drifted away from me. I wanted to touch it and kiss it, but I could not.
The face of a Gorilla Bear appeared in the vivid sky and said, “Shirley Mangle, welcome to the magical world of nothingness. We have used our psycho-magic to pull your mind inside itself, where you are now trapped forever. You should have kept away from Titan!”
The face disappeared and I was left tumbling bodiless through my spectrum of pastel colours. Fear, joy, and excitement rose and fell like buoys on a chemical-emotional ocean wave. I saw my thoughts flowing forth from an invisible universe, felt my feelings as drug-shots from an unseen puppeteer from outside the cave (I am the cave and the puppeteer and the audience).
I could see nothing now except the inside of myself. No more body. So I just relaxed and let my mind drip down into itself. My sixth sense, a self-sense, sensing only itself with no further input.
So in the end I highly recommend taking a similar permanent trip inside your unconscious mind, unless you have things to do on Earth.